


Weird Company

by Missy



Category: Allstate Insurance "Mayhem" Commercials
Genre: Blood and Injury, Crack, Crash Landing, Deer, Gen, Humor, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 19:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12464214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: Ensign Mayhem makes another brilliant crash landing.Now he just has to wait for his insurance adjuster to pick him up...





	Weird Company

**Author's Note:**

  * For [debirlfan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/debirlfan/gifts).



His head shot up from the console, and a snort, muffled with vague pain as he scratched at the back of his head. Around him, wires smoked and paper crackled. It was a scene of true and actual disaster, one his training as the ship’s casualty assessment officer had long prepared him for. His fellow officers didn’t stir, but that was what they got for switching to Gieco.

Calmly, Mayhem reached for the communicator, sending out a message to home base.

“Hello. I’m the lone survivor of a shuttle crash. I’m surrounded by the bodies of my fellow crewman, and that’s bad news because they’re going to start attracting bears if I don’t get a move on.” He stood up a little straighter. “I’m bleeding, but thankfully I’ve got a little help. If I press this button, an ambulance is gonna come, and it’s going to take me to the safety of a nice warm hospital. And because I switched to Allstate, they won’t turn me away. And when my body gets better and I start having screaming night terrors about how I had to look my best friend in the eye while he burned to death, screaming in an angry fashion about how I was totally boning his wife while he was off on an away mission, I’ll be able to say, “screw you delusion! Allstate will be there until I’m a hundred percent better.” 

The open face of the ship revealed a rugged terrain that appeared to be unexplored by the eyes and hands of humans for centuries “Coordinates appear to be a forest planet in the Delphi cluster. Probably forty miles out of our way. SOS,” he said, and flopped into the captain’s chair.

 

He stared at the oncoming face of a very fuzzy looking bear. “Whatt’re you looking at, man?” Mayhem asked the bear. The bear made a waffling noise, and then flopped down beside him. 

Sometimes even weird, uninsured company was better than having none at all.


End file.
